I’ve been doing lots of soul searching. Since Dad had been sick, actually no it was definitely before that. The whole death thing has plagued my mind for a few years. You know ‘if you knew you were going to die would you change the way you do things?’….I have always hated the knowing that ‘yes things would instantly change’. So why not change them now? So I made a few …little changes, and in true ‘Julie style’ not consistently. I like to think that when I think of someone I endeavour to ring them or write to them or send them a txt.
So what’s going on at the moment? Well it perplexes me going to funerals. I will never forget going to a distant family funeral and finding out all this kool information about this person. You wished you had known them. Well I didn’t so that was ok. But what about when you know the person and you find out stuff about them? What does that mean?
I keep going back to the ‘24/7 consistency theory’ I have it hounding me. Be the same person consistently everyday, no matter where you are, who you are with, whether you are alone or not- be the same. I always say to my boys –‘ love your family first guys, don’t go out there and treat your boss real nice and your mates at school and strangers and come home and treat your brother like crap’ not gunna happen( funny thing…it does). Love your brother well at home, treat your family well, this is your proving ground, be consistent in the way you treat people. It’s hardest with your family.
Instead of pointing the finger I want to personalize things. I don’t want people coming to my funeral and finding out that to some people I was really loving and giving yet others saw and experienced me completely differently.
It’s like I remembered having a conversation with someone about someone they knew. This person they knew at work made everyone feel real special on their birthdays, they would do treats and all, but their family didn’t see this side. I went home and realised that I did cooking for others and often didn’t do special stuff for my family. I didn’t want my kids to be able to say ‘yeah mums a great cook but we never see it….’ From that day on when I cook for others I make double. If I make a lasagne for someone I make one for my family. If I make bickies for someone I make sure there are plenty on the rack for my family. If the bowl has been filled with yummy mixture …let them lick it don’t scrape the bowl so well there’s no pleasure in this …small pleasure!
I don’t want my family finding out I was a generous person but they never saw it.
Life isn’t so much about doing things for yourself, it all goes back to the new commandment ‘Love one another as I have loved you’ John 13 v34.35.
So if I knew my life was to be cut short would I do things differently, honestly? yes. But I do want to endeavour to make each day worth while with those around me.
Lisa Hayman Photography